Free Flow Thoughts- Grow caterpillar, grow

I don’t know where to begin,

feeling lost- uncomfortable in my own skin.

Sitting back and analyzing,

unable to find where I de-railed.

.

.

If I can’t find where I de-railed

how can I expect to re-rail?

.

…but do we have to start where we left off?

is it not possible,

to create and de-rail

at any time-

unbennounced to the world?

.

There is a hiatus,

a learning curve,

a gap

.

between what I was

and what I am yet to be.

.

.

I am like a fetus in the womb-

the start of something unknown

for many years after their arrival.

.

No longer an egg,

a sperm,

or an idea

but becoming…

becoming of their own self, 

before knowledge of self.

.

.

I am like a larvae in a cocoon…

past the pain of being a caterpillar-

growing past the pains of being alive

and releasing the fears rooted in survival

and giving it up to the universe.

.

I know I will emerge as I should.

.

.

In these moments of lapse,

in this hiatus of time,

something magical is brewing…

.

on the edge of

what everyone knew me to be,

what they think I will be,

and what I will become.

.

.

There is a shift in the tides.

.

Waiting,

unleashing,

resurrecting

all past,

present,

and future

aliases

of the same

me

 

Find me on medium at: https://medium.com/@JessicaLDeJesus

Mountains of you, Oceans of me

The mountains of you

collide into oceans of me.

 

Under the deep velvet sky,

my heart pours itself

into your valley of a heart.

 

You absorb me like the desert,

during a downpour and after a drought.

I’ve been thirsting for you

and you’ve thirsted for me too.

 

Thirsted for my sweet sensations and delicate curves.

I’ve thirsted for your strong power,

that brings me home

with the command of your touch… your kiss.

 

The mountains of you,

colliding into oceans of me.

 

All the universe is being created,

as you dance your trees in my breeze.

While the universe inside of me

surrendered to the magic we created in the dark.

Unveiling our light… the beauty in the insane.

Turning moans inside out, bodies cry.

 

The mountains of you, 

collide into oceans of me

under a star sparkling sky.

 

 

 

Spin, Spin, Your love for me.

The magnitude of a relationship,

should not be measured in decibels.

It should be measured in counts.

 

In counts of moments,

overcome and achieved.

In counts of hearts,

warmed and stretched thin.

In counts of patience,

consumed over the years.

 

Gratitude in a relationship is explored

when the faithful stay rooted.

 

The faithful bundle their hearts together,

to protect from the bitter, cold world.

The faithfully committed use their time

to cover and completely envelop

the hearts of their lovers.

 

A magician, of time and hearts,

devours the abundance

gifted in a sweet breath,

a loving kiss.

 

No hollow words,

no hollow hearts.

 

The devouring of affection,

ends with a caress.

always room to love again

my hearts been broken,

and given away,

too many times to count…

for fear of breaking my own heart again.

 

the memory of loss,

the nostalgia,

is more painful

than living alone.

 

the hard part is

the break.

the split.

 

living is easy

once the wound heals.

 

the wound starts to heal after day 3,

and by day 7 all I am is bitter and broken.

as time continues,

I shall learn to love again.

 

the love I give

and the heart I give away

is no longer mine

once I give it away.

 

I cannot take back my love

and pieces of my heart,

…I don’t even want to,

 

those used up

stepped on and cracked pieces,

started as a whole

and now are left in parts.

 

the parts consumed in love

cannot be erased and

cannot be retrained.

 

Forever they will remain,

with the lovers of my past.

 

those parts of my heart

will never unlearn to love one,

but shrink and shrivel

to make room for new love.

 

the new love

comes in like a balloon

inflating my heart

and pushing aside

the doubts and fears

left behind in the shrived pieces.

 

there is no room for doubt and fear

when love takes over.

 

Love is all consuming and never to be forgotten,

only pushed aside,

like I once was,

to make room for another love.

Destroyed in Love

Pain in loss,

is not a reflection of how much one loved,

but a reflection of how hard it is to let go

The attached mind,

wishes many things,

fleeting things,

could stay.

The fleeting things,

are those intense

heart thumping,

stomach turning,

butterfly vomit feelings…

Those feelings

that if lasted forever

could destroy us.

but what if it did?

What if by chance,

one finds one,

and the feelings continue to cycle…

would we be destroyed in love?

would it even be so terrible?

I wish to not feel pain,

but to be destroyed in love.

In the dark mystery of the Suwannee woods,

you revealed your magic

and not directly to me immediatley.

I heard your soft funky chords

around the warmth of a camp fire

and made my way to say hello.

We spoke a sentence or two,

exchanged numbers and said adieu.

Later over the weekend,

by chance we didn’t meet again.

The only way to know what was in your soul

was to take a leap of faith

and meet with you in the ‘real world’.

You came to me,

from your town to mine,

we explored the Buddhist temple

and revealed some of our minds.

When we meditated together

I found a new place with you;

this place some call Nirvana,

and others call it heaven

I call it home.

Sex in Hunger

Being around people while eating food

is very intimate to me,

for me it’s the same intimacy

I feel when I sexually reveal myself.

 

I am on the cusp of living and dying.

I pick my food carefully, with intention,

like I pick a partner.

I am hungry for that which I crave,

and that which I think will satisfy me….

Ravishly, whole heartedly, digging into

my tempting treat…

allowing this feeling to

overtake me,

satisfy me,

release me