Recognizing Privilege

I think of how lucky I am just to being me

.

I didn’t ask to be born but

I won the genetic lottery

.

I don’t have to do much

just a little mascara, maybe some blush and now

it looks like I’m made of pixie dust

.

I truly am blessed to be born in the skin I am in

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Language Barriers

Why is this how you interact with me?

Do you see me?

Do you even know me?

.

.

.

The kind words that go unspoken

leave my heart longing

for recognition.

.

It pains me to not hear

what I know you feel.

.

.

.

When you give me things

it’s not the same

as when you spend

time with me.

.

.

.

I see you talking your own language-

keeping the house clean,

cooking dinner for me,

and keeping the cats alive.

.

I see these things but

they are not deeply felt in my heart.

It’s because my own predisposition to love.

.

.

The way you speak to me,

of love and comfort,

of companionship and loyalty,

of trust and faith…

with actions of love,

does not resonate as well

as when spoken in my own language.

.

.

But slowly I am learning yours

so I can feel love

and speak to you how you understand.

.

❤ Glitterfly Jessa

Thanks for reading!

Betrayal

I did it to myself you see,

I let my darkness grab ahold of me,

pull me under and drown me.

.

Left with a soggy fucking mess

of pulled hearts and strings.

.

.

My addictions to pain and

destruction let loose that day.

.

Inside of me,

unleashed the beast,

who thinks she is wild

and indestructable but

becomes childlike

and vulnerable.

.

.

The drinks take a hold of me,

and flood gate part of my brain

with sensory deprivation

and overload all at once.

.

The universe expanding

and drowning

.

inside of me.

.

.

.

❤ Jessa

Thanks for reading!

If you liked this please feel free to share and come follow me: here on the sidebar (or below if you’re mobile) and on medium: https://medium.com/@JessicaLDeJesus and facebook.com/hempmyheart

 

 

Depression’s Trophy Wife

Depression doesn’t always look like depression.

~you know, those standardized images of people sad and crying unable to leave bed all day…

.

.

.

but the anxious thoughts of worthlessness,

the irritable grumbles that come too quick,

the desire to binge and the desire to purge,

the inability to concentrate on interesting things,

the loss of appetite,

.

the decline of emotions

typically shown as

a loss of interest in friends,

family,

food,

anything that once brought happy.

.

.

.

Those are still the face of depression,

just hiding a little better.

.

.

Thanks for reading!

If you liked this please feel free to share and come follow me: here on the sidebar (or below if you’re mobile) and on medium: https://medium.com/@JessicaLDeJesus and facebook.com/hempmyheart

❤ Jessa

Foreign Thoughts

I just experienced the strangest thought…

.

not strange, I suppose not.

but it was a foreign thought.

.

.

.

I thought to myself as I wrote down some prose

~maybe I should edit or censor myself

.

.

But No. 

.

.

then who would I be?

.

.

Except an ungenuine poet 

unraveling at the seams. 

.

.

❤ Glitterfly Jessa

Free Flow Thoughts- Grow caterpillar, grow

I don’t know where to begin,

feeling lost- uncomfortable in my own skin.

Sitting back and analyzing,

unable to find where I de-railed.

.

.

If I can’t find where I de-railed

how can I expect to re-rail?

.

…but do we have to start where we left off?

is it not possible,

to create and de-rail

at any time-

unbennounced to the world?

.

There is a hiatus,

a learning curve,

a gap

.

between what I was

and what I am yet to be.

.

.

I am like a fetus in the womb-

the start of something unknown

for many years after their arrival.

.

No longer an egg,

a sperm,

or an idea

but becoming…

becoming of their own self, 

before knowledge of self.

.

.

I am like a larvae in a cocoon…

past the pain of being a caterpillar-

growing past the pains of being alive

and releasing the fears rooted in survival

and giving it up to the universe.

.

I know I will emerge as I should.

.

.

In these moments of lapse,

in this hiatus of time,

something magical is brewing…

.

on the edge of

what everyone knew me to be,

what they think I will be,

and what I will become.

.

.

There is a shift in the tides.

.

Waiting,

unleashing,

resurrecting

all past,

present,

and future

aliases

of the same

me

 

Find me on medium at: https://medium.com/@JessicaLDeJesus

Explore On

Interesting to see how one comment

One stray thought

Can throw the energetic body out of whack;

Learning to live in my own head

Learning to love in my own head

Owning my happiness

Owning my truth;

To explore the truth of your own emotions

Your own energies…

Is to delve deeper into the mystery of life. 

To breathe life into dark tight spaces,

To shine light into the dusty corners of the mind,

To try to understand what cannot be seen

But can surely be felt. 

Be bold, light warrior, explore on.